is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
