ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
