He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
this is an emotional support booty call
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