just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize