I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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