you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Randomize
