I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
