Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
