You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
We need to get me chipped asap
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
