I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
