I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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