I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
