have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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