It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
