I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
