Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
