Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
