Michael Bay diarrhea
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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