I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
