i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
do nipples grow back?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
