you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
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