I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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