Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I still have a little drunk in my system
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
