if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
