remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize