just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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