i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
