alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
