I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize