Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
