Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
