Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize