I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
They are going to name an STD after you.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize