i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
