I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
worst night to have a conscience
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
