Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
