but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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