What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
