people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
