I feel like I'm in dance class right now
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
