If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
