She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
