I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
