I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
