Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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