He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
