If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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