You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
