There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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