you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
