hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize