Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
