All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Randomize
