is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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