I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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