i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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