I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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