he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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