He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize