I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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