I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
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