somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
