I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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