And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize