I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
