i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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