So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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