3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
