RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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