He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
