She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
