remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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