I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
