weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize