how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
