She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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