sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
