Your face is a jimmy john
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize