Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
