Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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