she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
