Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
