i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
