i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
