don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
