evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
