i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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