How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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