I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
