i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
