I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
