I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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