That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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