well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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