Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
