3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He has the fingertips of a God
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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