omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
