So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
