dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize