chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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