I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
