I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
