i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
