it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
