he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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